Today has been awful. The locker situation has got to go! We were told to meet for homeroom this a.m. (just seniors) and they were going to move our lockers from those in the English department to the ones in the center. But a note was sent out from our favorite JC stating there would be no change whatsoever. I think that really stinks. This whole school stinks but the administration has got to go! I keep bringing this up. I guess all the seniors are. It gets pretty upsetting when every year some privilege gets taken away. Our new principal says that when you give students privileges they just abuse them. How can he know if he never gives us a chance? He also keeps relating us back to the old school where he’s from. I hate that! Oh well. I guess it’s just Grin and Bear It. I forgot to say also got in trouble for being too involved in football. Not spending enough time at home.
Today I find myself getting behind already in some classes. I have just got to keep up on the studies I guess. We had a pop quiz in Psych. I definitely did awful in that. It just shows that I can’t even remember things. At FCC we had a test. I probably got a C on that. Fair I guess. I saw AS in class. We went back to my house – ate breakfast and left. I was almost late. I got in trouble from Mr. S for “reckless driving.” This girl was in front of me and going really slow so as she went to pull into a space I swerved around her. I really didn’t feel it was any big deal. JL is on a field trip – she’ll be gone all day. Oh well. Not much else to say except I have to keep my head over the water! (School wise!) Oh last night at practice was interesting with SP. He made me massage his shoulders, (he does have big ones!) and I gave him and CB rides home. He doesn’t speak to me much in school. Oh well. From now on with him I’m going to play the hard to get role. I just like playing around with him. LM and I have been quite close lately. He is a real doll. We go back so far. Anyway, everything has gone kind of downhill lately – I guess things get worse before they get better.
Yesterday we worked all period on other projects so we didn’t have time to write in our journals. Everything is going fairly well. Besides the fact that I hate school already. It has’t even been a month. Oh well. Tonight is game night. I’m psyched and I hope the guys are. JL is spending the night BG is going out of town. She is attending a wedding in VA. Practice was okay last night. We were done at 5:30. I took RS and RS home. I really feel respected from most of the guys. Throughout all of the teasing, remarks, etc. I think they really do care. I also went over to JL’s house and we were talking about some of the guys. She thinks there are a few who like me. She really believes that SP and I are going to “get together”. I doubt it. I don’t know if my ego could stand it. I do definitely want to be the one to hold the “cards”. I want him to feel like the rejected, used one “the night after”. I guess it’s not real important to think about until the time comes. I hope we win tonight. I’ve got a ton of things to do: > Call all the papers and radio stations > Make sure there are no changes in their line up.
I’m usually quite busy at the games. Sometimes I’d rather be in the stands I guess – but then again…I’d more rather be on the sidelines with the guys!!
This has been a weird day! I have recently realized how different it is not to have any friends. I mean JL is my best friend but that is more like family. And then I have acquaintances like my classmates and all, but still…I am coming down with a cold and I’m so congested it’s not funny. I really want to have someone to like. Seeing all of these people together is depressing! Just to have someone to have and to hold – may not ‘til death do us part – but for right now. I guess I have always wanted what I can’t have! Isn’t that a fact of life though?
The weather has been dreary lately – well just real cold in the morning. OHH!! News update on KH. Today SB and I were sitting in Psych and I asked him how his weekend went. He said that KH got screwed over. So he and I wrote a note back and forth. Summary: KH was supposed to go out with this new girl CK. She looked nice and all but I don’t really know her. Anyway, she had people come up to her and say stuff about KH. I don’t know what they could’ve said but she called him at 7:00 and told him that she didn’t want to go out. Cold or what?? I am so mad that now I hate the girl. Oh well. DD and I were pretty p.o.’ed. We’ve been close lately also. Anyway, I must close.
Today has been o.k. I really don’t feel well though. I have bad congestion. Oh well, I guess that’s life. I saw SP early when I came into school. He also saw me, but he never says anything. I am thinking about asking CB if he says anything to him about me. I really don’t know what I’d do if he really did like me. Life is so confusing. I would really like to find someone who really cares and loves me. Just like a JL –n-ER’s relationship. I got yelled at last night for spending too much time at football. I have sooo much fun there. I feel like the guys really respect me and they are usually considerate. For instance, one day I was standing at practice and one of the guys said a cussword or something. He then saw me and apologized. That really makes me feel good. I am in the process of putting together a collage for them. It ought to be pretty neat. They are a great bunch of guys and I would probably do anything for them – within reason. We are going to win Friday night. The ‘Skins won Sunday so we are too! JS and RH are a news update. RH, I think, likes me, JS definitely doesn’t like that idea! I keep trying to make my moves on him…he knows I like him, now it’s his turn!
Today is ok. Last night RG and I went to the soccer game. We won 4-2 beat our rivals. SP was there so was RR. I sat with a bunch of rowdy seniors! We had a blast. Everyone was so psyched up for the game it was great. I really am confused about SP. I wrote CB a note about it – I hope he doesn’t do anything with it – like show SP. I like him and I think about him – but would I really go out with him? He talked to me a lot at practice – ate all of my ice and we had a good time. At the game, though, he didn’t talk to me at all. So I don’t know, I’ll play head games with him too if that’s what he wants. Dad apologized for yelling at me the other night. Of course I said that’s alright. He’s been a real sweetie. I wrote JL a note about SP as I always do. I hope she can offer some good advice. She usually does. The fair is this week. JL and I are going Friday afternoon – the game is Friday and so is DC’s toga party. It ought to be a great weekend – at least a great Friday. No school will make it terrific. Our football game is going to be rough to say the least. We play Jackson at home. It will be a tough game. I hope we can handle it. Keeping stats is so much fun. I like it a lot! The guys are great to be with!
Yesterday I wasn’t in school. I guess I didn’t miss much. Oh well. School is getting to be a bore already. This weekend was okay. I went to DC’s party Friday night. Saw SP. He makes me absolutely sick. I’d really like to know what his problem is. JL thinks I should go for RH. I don’t know. She feels I’ve got so many opportunities. He and JS are still close – I guess – it seems that way. I really don’t want to be thought of as a boyfriend stealer! Not a good reputation to carry. Anyway – OH! I just got a pass from Coach for lunchtime. I wonder what he wants? I don’t have too much homework to make up – some in Computer, some Psych., a paper in Comp probably some AP English.
JL’s having a party! OCT 19!! This Saturday her me and ER spent the day together. It was fun! I get jealous around them. Seeing how they are in each other’s company. KL brought his torn jersey in for me to sew. These guys just can’t live without me. SP bought 2 third row seats to see Prince. Lucky shit head! I talked to her last night. I was just on time to school today – oh well – always in a hurry!! Not much else I can think of to say except I’m depressed lately.